Cam Newton Got Deep On Instagram About The Time He Was Caught Stealing A Laptop At Florida. Twist: He Wrote It All In His Weirdo Hieroglyphic Bullshit Font

A lesson to the kids out there looking to inspire others to learn from their mistakes. If you want to write a heartfelt post on Instagram, you probably don’t want it written in a font that makes your readers’ heads hurt as they try to decipher what you said. It’s hard for people to feel emotions when you are trying to crack the code of what is written like Ralphie in A Christmas Story being told to drink his Ovaltine. The font of a message is the same as the bread for a sandwich. If it takes away from the meat, that’s a big problem. If you write in Cam Hieroglyphics, people will be too focused breaking their brains to get the jist of what you are saying. If you write in Comic Sans, you are going to be thought of as a clown shoe like Dan Gilbert. If you only write in emojis, people are going to call you a millennial and blame you for everything wrong in the world.

Also, if Cam doesn’t steal that laptop, he probably stays at Florida, the Gators do better than 7-5 in 2010, Urban Meyer doesn’t retire after the 2010 season, Ohio State doesn’t hire Urban Meyer, we don’t get the Sad Urban Meyer Eating Pizza picture, and countless college football programs are significantly altered (including Auburn and Ohio State winning the National Championship as well as Florida firing a guy that looks like a shark fucker and potentially hiring Chip Kelly). Oh yeah and maybe Cam doesn’t write his Instagram posts in an extinct language like a dickhead. Butterfly effect like you read about.