Phillies Manager Gabe Kapler (Along With 4 Others) Got Unwarrantedly Ejected From A Spring Training Game And I Kind Of Wanted To See Him Go Full Apeshit

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to The Ump Show. Tom Harron had a full blown hardo hard-on during yesterday’s Spring Training game. Blue decided to flex his nuts and eject 5 people throughout the day, all of which were unwarranted. I mean, he threw out a kid, Parker Frazier (heroically wearing Wildthing’s #99), after he hit a batter with a 81mph backdoor slider on a 1-2 count. Because why to prove a point and brush someone off the plate by firing a 90mph bullet right at the kisser when you can dust them off with a feather to the thigh? Keep it in your pants, Harron.

But that’s not even the point of this blog. The Phillies manager went out to calmly discuss the ejected, somehow got booted himself, and didn’t even raise his voice. Which is fine. Cool Kapler is one cool cat. However, I’m waiting, anticipating, SALIVATING for Gabe Kapler to lose his shit. Why? Because this specimen of pure testosterone is bigger, faster, and more batshit than anyone else on that diamond. The man tans his nuts for fuck’s sake. Of course he’s got a screw or all of them loose. Plus, look at this thing:

I NEED to see this sauced up sailor intimidate an umpire and all of the baseball God’s into submission. It’s what the game deserves right now. All the flip outs of Larry Bowa, Lou Pinella, and Earl Weaver (see below, incredible) combined won’t compare to when this guy morphs into The Incredible Gabe. It’s only a matter of time. I guess we’re saving it for the big show. Respect. Because Can’t WAIT till the benches clear this season and our 42-year-old Tarzan is released into the wild.

In postiive-ish Spring Training news, Jake Arrieta threw decently in his debut in Phillies gear. He topped out at 95 and felt great after, even though he let up a 2-out dinger in the first. Oh, and Rhys Hoskins smacked two out two days ago. Glad to see he’s still listening to Coach Smitty and his Cabin Boy Carrabis.

PS – Bill Burr does Earl Weaver. Classic.