Johnny Utah's Got Mad Online About My Review So Here's My Response
Alright, Alright, Alright Johnny Utah’s! I figured I’ll respond to my friends at Johnny Utah’s in an attempt to set the record straight between us since people like Ria & Robbie still need places to drink in this Godforsaken city.
- The Basement Enigma
- You are correct guys- you are located in a basement! Yet I’d hate to break it to you guys, basement windows sure do exist! My very own home has windows in the basement along with a great bar like Down the Hatch! Granted the only views you’re catching are people’s feet so I hope you’re a sneaker head, but they’re windows nonetheless. If you still don’t believe me Home Depot has a few basement window options that you can check out here. Now in the case of a nuclear bomb shelter like yourself…True story there are no windows.
- The Burger
- I guess I accept your apology for me not liking it? But if that was 7 oz. of Burger & only 2 oz. of Pulled Pork than I’m the Queen of England.
- The Fries
- Listen fellas, I’m just a fat kid from the Northeast that loves him some Burgers, Beer, and more. I am not in anyway ‘WESTERN’. Nor do I claim to be some sort of food expert. I didn’t go to culinary school and I (regrettably) don’t have frosted tips. I’m there to have fun, eat some grub, drink a few cold ones, and try to make people laugh in the process… So back to my original point when I see red spices on french fries I automatically think Old Bay Seasoning thanks to places like Philly, Maryland, and AC. And it’s not like Paprika & Cayenne Pepper aren’t 2 of the main ingredients in Old Bay! That would be crazy!
- The Mechanical Bull
- I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I’m pretty sure I’m above the weight limit to ride a mechanical bull so I guess it just slipped my mind!
- Wyatt Earp
- A couple of folks at the Office are agreeing & disagreeing on how much of a household name Ole Wyatt is. Riggs says he’s heard the name, Robbie & Gay Pat had no clue, and Kmarko & Big Cat seem to be big Wyatt Earp fans. I can’t blame the latter 2 because you can’t not fall in love with the guy after reading his biography. He was a constable, city policeman, county sheriff, deputy U.S. Marshall, teamster, buffalo hunter, bouncer, saloon-keeper, gambler, brothel keeper, miner, and boxing referee. AND had Kevin Costner play him in a biopic. If he’s not a renaissance man then I don’t know who is. Anyways that major motion picture came out in 1994 and I was born in 1996! It was a 3+ hour movie, took $63 million to make, and only grossed $25 million domestically. Thank fucking God I hadn’t even been conceived yet! You’d think someone as known as Wyatt Earp’s movie would have killed at the box office! Take Lincoln for example- everyone loves Honest Abe! His biopic cost $65 million to make & grossed $182 million domestically. I’m gonna go out on a limb say there’s some correlation there.
- Beer Bottle Swigging
- Okay this is the one I took offense to most, Mr. Utah’s. Alcohol is like driving a car- the goal is to get from Point A to Point B. When I drink alcohol I just want it to get from the bottle into my stomach so I can get drunk. I don’t give a fuck how it gets there. Is the way I swig a bottle weird? Fuck yeah it is, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. To quote the great Billy Joel “I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life”.
Well Johnny Utah’s this has been fun. I’m gonna go read up about Wyatt Earp some more while contemplating your offer on that free burger. Enjoy the draft tonight!