NJ School's Mystery Pooper Turns Out to Be the Superintendent
Source – The case of the mystery pooper has reportedly been solved after New Jersey police arrested a school district’s superintendent.
Thomas Tramaglini, 42, the Kenilworth school superintendent, was charged on Monday with defecating in public.
He was allegedly caught taking an early morning poop at the Holmdel High School football field by surveillance cameras. … Police said the school decided to set up the cameras after … coaches and staff … were finding human feces on or near the area of the high school’s track and football field every day, Holmdel police said in a statement Thursday.
Tramaglini has also been charged with lewdness and littering.
That’s some good police work there, Holmdel. It’s comforting to know the students and faculty of the school can go back to their lives without living in constant fear of where the Mad Pooper might strike next. It’s tough enough to focus on your athletics when you’re simply worried about people who walk their dogs at night without cleaning up after them or flocks of geese leaving their Tootsie Rolls all over the football field. I can’t imagine what horrors Supt. Thomas Tramaglini was leaving behind every day.
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So what could Pooping Tom’s motivation have been? It defies any sort of rational explanation. Especially when he established a pattern and had to know it was only a matter of time before they set up cameras to catch him. But all kidding aside, I can shed some third hand professional light on this.
One of my friends teaches high school. I was telling him about a former Boston athlete – I won’t say which one because I have an overwhelming fondness for not getting sued, but this story has been long passed around among the local sports media – who had a penchant for leaving a deuce on the floor of his hotel room as his team would leave a city. Apparently he thought it was funny or something, apparently oblivious to the poor minimum wage workers who had to clean it up in order to keep putting food on their families’ tables. I’m not sure how many times he pulled the stunt, though one is a million times too many. And it was part of the reason his team eventually (no pun intended but it stays) dumped him.
Anyway, I was relating this to my buddy and he said they had a Mad Pooper at his school who was leaving Sewer Trout on the floor of the Boys Room. So they brought in an expert. A behavioral psychologist or CSI: Shitter team or Ass Psychic or somebody. I’m not sure. And the expert said that there are very few things in life that are definite. But one that is, absolutely without question in 100 percent of cases, is that someone who takes a dump on a floor was abused as a child. Which is neither funny or justifies a district superintendent leaving Finless Brown Fish all over the school grounds. But it an interesting fact. And would explain a lot.
You’d think a guy like that who just lost a six figure job would have gotten help a long time ago. But some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world clean up their poop. Sad.